I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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