I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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