Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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