ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
