Cold hands, warm shart.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
