Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
