You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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