My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
