I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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