do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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