I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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