OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
