i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
