Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
