i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
