just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
