What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
