Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
