i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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