You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she peed on how many people?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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