we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
