Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
