i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
