wat bout pragnant strippers??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
