You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
