ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
