so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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