the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
