if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
