Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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