My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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