i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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