My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
