I must be too annoying 4 u.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
