i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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