My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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