That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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