they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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