I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
