can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
