....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
