sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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