ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
