Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
