she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
