im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
