is your mom at the bar?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
