The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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