My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
