U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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