i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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