i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
