Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
