we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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