And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
